Here are some previously asked questions from young people about realationships and image.
Question
For the last three months my period has been very abnormal, but also being different each time. I have taken a pregnancy test, (and although hard to explain via message) it was neither pregnant nor not pregnant, so I think it may have been faulty, Should I take another one just in case?
Also I want to talk to my mum about contraception, so I pick up leaflets so I can try a get an idea of the kind of contraception I want before talking to her, but she then goes through my room and throws them away, also when I try hinting at the subject, she instantly changes the topic of conversation. Should I still talk to her about it? I am scared of her reaction.
Answer
You don't say how old you are or if you used condoms, but if you are concerned about being pregnant, why don't you go down to your local contraception clinic and talk this through with one of the clinic nurses or doctors. Of course it would be great if your Mum would come too, but if she doesn't want to or can't, then you will be seen on your own or with a friend. While you are there the staff will advise you on contraception as well.
As for your mum avoiding the topic, I wonder if she is either embarrassed or worried she won't know the answers to what you want to say or by avoiding it she can pretend in her head that it isn't happening and she doesn't have to think of you as growing up into a young woman. If it were me, I would find a quiet time with no one else about and tell her that you are going to a clinic to talk about contraception and you would really like it if she came with you as you don't want to do things behind her back, but you are going anyway. At least then you have been upfront and honest with her and she can see you are trying to look after your health.
Question
If I touch myself, does it mean im going to hell?
Answer
Thank you for your enquiry - there is no evidence that touching yourself is bad for your health. As far as I am aware, you will not go to hell for touching yourself. It is good practice if you do want to touch yourself that you do it in a private place e.g. a bathroom or bedroom, and ensure you will not be disturbed, lock the door behind you.
Question
Hi, I am a 14 boy and I am sexually attracted to older women. Is this normal?
Answer
Lots of young men have some fantasies about older women (you are too young to remember a film called "The Graduate", but that addressed this issue), but that doesn't mean that anything has to be done about them. Fantasies are just that, they are not real. As you get older and have more usual relationships with people of similar ages then, you won't be worried that this is a problem.
Question
I am really confused, I am I guy and I can't stop gay thoughts getting out of my head. I can't control it, I constantly wonder what it is like to be gay and have a gay relationship.
It has been a while since I last had a girlfriend and I try to keep to a moral path like not masturbating etc, but lately I have been very confused and can't stop typing in gay on my computer, it has basically taken over me.
I do have a crush on girls but also many guys. I just want to be secure about my sexuality whatever it may be.
Have I just stored up all my sex drive for so long and this yearning for guys is the result? Please help it is quite distracting to my life and I am ashamed of having these feelings and I haven't talked to anyone about them not friends or parents thanks :)
Answer
I'm sorry you are having a hard time at the moment, working out who you are can be very confusing and although you probably think no one else knows what is troubling you, what you are feeling is certainly not unusual in young men and young women. You don’t say how old you are, but if you are in your teens then it is probably too early for you to make up your mind about whether you are gay, straight or bi sexual. In my opinion, no one should be ashamed about their feelings of attraction. Having feelings, does not mean you have to act on them. You may find it helpful to talk to someone who will take you seriously and I have a contact number for an Outreach worker, who may be able to direct you to a place that can give you a chance to talk things through in a safe environment. If you ring 07507 594 093 and if you get straight through say you were given the number from this web site, or leave a message and a contact number where they can ring you back and try and help.
Question
Please help! For about 9-10 months or so I have had no sex drive, and its driving me and my boyfriend crazy. I thought it was my pill so I changed it and no difference, so then I came off the pill all together and still no difference, please help im only 17
Answer
If you are not feeling like having sex, then maybe you need to look at the relationship you have with your current partner. In any long term relationship there are changes in how you relate to each other sexually and that first overwhelming feeling of desire (some would call it lust), often does develop into a calmer, deeper feeling of love. It doesn't mean that sex cannot be satisfying and a lot of people would say it is better, as you learn more about each other and your bodies and take things at a slower pace.
At 17 you are still young, so maybe this isn't the type of relationship you need at the moment; are there problems between you that are resulting in loss of desire, are you trying to have a sexual relationship that is rushed and hurried because you are keeping it hidden and are worried that someone (family?) will discover you and be angry or upset? Is your partner making sure he takes time to make sure you feel loved and cared about before, during and after sex? Any, several or all of these things may play a part in whether or not you feel like having sex.
Don't rush things and make sure sex with this boyfriend is really what you want to be doing. Maybe take the pressure off and decide not to have this relationship as a sexual one for a while, talk to him and if he cares about you he should be able to wait and
understand. If he is not, then may be that should tell you something about whether or not this relationship has a future.
Finally a lot of young women do not find sex great at first and it is only as you get older that you understand more about how your body responds to the feelings you have and your partners have a responsibility in the relationship to make sure it is not only their sexual needs that are met. I doubt if there is anything wrong, I think you feel things should be like romantic films and fiction all the time and life is just not like that in reality.
Question
Hey, I am in a relationship with someone that I have been with for 2 years now, he says he wants to have sex, but I’m not sure though, don't think I’m totally ready, I am worried though that he might get impatient or what ever with me and leave me. :( What can I do? xxxx
Answer
No one can decide whether it is right for you to have sex but you. You need to be sure it is what you want to do, make sure that you are protected against infection and pregnancy and that if you decide to have sex, that you talk first about being able to stop at any time if it doesn't feel right. If he doesn't seem to be listening to your worries or concerns, then you must ask yourself if he the right person for you anyway. If he cares and respects you then he should be prepared to wait until the time is right for both of you. The fact that he wants to have sex isn't a bad thing and you don't say that he has actually got impatient or said he will leave, so I feel you need to have an honest discussion with him so that he understands what a big decision that this is for you.
Question
Is there anyway I can make my penis bigger?
Answer
No, if you are young then it will get bigger as you go through puberty. If you have reached the age of 19/20 then it is likely to be the size that it is. Many men worry about size, but a study by a condom company suggested that although the size may be different when the penis is flaccid (not erect), there is not a lot of difference when they are erect.
Question
Hello, will it be uncomfortable for my boyfriend if I’m a virgin and we have sex?
Answer
If you are sure that this is the right thing for both of you to be doing and it is part of a loving relationship then the whole thing should be enjoyable. Sex is a pleasurable experience for most people. However, for this to happen there has to be love, trust and consideration between you both and it is not always perfect the first time. Good enjoyable sex comes with time, experience and maturity. Make sure you use contraception, especially condoms.
Question
Hey, is it normal for the skin down below between the vagina and the bottom to be torn a little bit? Because mine is torn a little bit and it seems like I’m loose because of this or is it just where I’m loose from having sex? Thanks x
Answer
This type of question is not able to be dealt with by this site. You need to go and see a nurse or doctor who will check this out and you may need an examination to see what his going on, if anything, down there. You might find this a little embarrassing but you would be able to stop worrying if all is OK.
Question
I'm a virgin, will having sex make my breast and hips grow?
Answer
No. However, if you have sex and get pregnant your breasts and tummy will certainly grow!
Question
The skin on the inside of my vagina is really stretched and there is a lot of extra skin. Also, the edges are discoloured. I have no idea what this is from because I've never had sex. Is this normal and will it go away?
Answer
I have worked as a midwife for many years and know that the range of normal for this part of our body is large, unlike faces and hands, which we all see and know are unique to each, this part of our anatomy is also unique to us. The description above easily fits in the normal range.
Question
Hi, I'm a boy of 12 and I'm getting these feelings that I don't know if I'm gay or straight and its badly upsetting me, please can you help me with some answers thanks.
Answer
Hi - don't worry. It is very normal to feel like this. Don't feel under pressure to make any decisions just yet as you are still young. Your feelings will probably become clearer as you get older, and although it is hard to wait, just try to enjoy your friendships with boys and girls, for who they are. If these feelings continue to upset you talk to a friendly trustworthy adult or the school nurse or visit the young peoples clinic.
Question
I'm 16 and already have saggy breasts. As you can imagine this really gets to me and I feel very uncomfortable with myself. Is there anything I can do to change them?
Answer
It is not unusual for girls to feel unhappy about the size and shape of their breasts. It is unusual however for breasts to become saggy at 16 as the supporting ligaments should not have become stretched. To prevent such stretching and to reduce your feeling of saggy breasts a good fitting bra is recommended. Bra fitting is available at good lingerie departments and shops which may include Marks and Spencers and does not oblige you to buy. Measurement should include measuring underneath the breasts to assess rib cage size and around the chest across the nipple to get a correct cup size. You may also feel more comfortable with a wider strapped bra. There are lots of different bras and crops tops available now so you can look trendy and have an effective bra support!
